My two year mark will signify the end of my island journey for now.  Originally, I left because my perception of myself was construed.  I was living for the wrong reasons; unable to recognize which path would lead me to the happiness that every crevice craved.

When I first arrived, I was broken.  My stomach was in a constant knot, and my eyes so easily leaked.  But it was my mind that had been suffering the worst.  I couldn't feel love.  I lacked serenity.  My only desire was to be forgotten.

The first six months were the most difficult.  Though I wanted to be forgotten, I myself was unable to erase the memories of the people and the life I had so eagerly escaped.  If Jamie hadn't ended his life the week before I was enduring on my journey, I bet my first few months would have been different.  Instead I yearned for the conversations I knew were taking place at home with everyone that knew him.  While everyone was rebuilding their friendships because they were so scared to lose another, I was locked inside a basement room with my eyes fixed on a screen displaying times that will never be recreated. 

Every person that I could have entered into a conversation with seemed unworthy.  They had no idea what I was going through, or what I had been through.  My thought process was continuously directed towards Jamie.  All I wanted was to have someone that could sit down and talk to me about it.  Someone who could remind me of the ridiculous times we had spent together.  Due to my inability to push his memory to the side, it took me longer than normal to meet friends and feel comfortable in my surroundings.  I know you aren't supposed to regret things, but clinging to his memory is one thing that I do.

Things began to fall into place when I met Kyle in Psychology class in March.  Though a relationship was not was I was looking for with him, I did enjoy his friendship.  It was his invitation to join his team for a slowpitch match that allowed me to escape the boundaries that I had so fearfully been surrounded by.  Nervousness eventually subsided, and socializing was completed with ease.. (and maybe with the help of the beers we were shotgunning).  For a month or two him and I hung out nearly every day.  Kyle gave me the confidence that I needed to break off and for once start enjoying my present life, and break off from what ever it was that I had experienced in the past.  I'm sorry how I ended things with him, and how I lied.  The person I left for was not half the person he was, I just hope he knows that.

Though the months of May through October taught me lessons that I am thankful for, I wouldn't mind cutting the time short at the end of July and leaving on a